1. fuckyeahdementia:

    How to catch a kangaroo

    [via]

    AAHHH it is BOB down under

    3 months ago  /  144,848 notes  /  Source: videohall

  2. Yeah Friday

    Him: Did you know your front door is open?

    Me: Uhhh…are you the pool man, baby?

    Him: What?

    Me: Is this a porno?

    Him: I have to use the bathroom.

    Me: OH NO, THIS IS NOT THE PORNO I WANT.

    1 year ago  /  1 note

  3. Another misdirected email

    Hi Sammy,

    Just a note to tell you that Uncle Fred and I are thinking of you and wishing you well at college—and to ask if this is the email address where I can send your birthday present.

    Love,

    Aunt Ivy

    Hi Aunt Ivy,

    Thanks! All is well here at college so far. Hi to Uncle Fred.

    Sam

    1 year ago  /  0 notes

  4. (via brewis-deactivated20111011-deac)

    1 year ago  /  3,781 notes  /  Source: my5tic41andshit

  5. Me: HEY FUCK YOU! Wait, why am I yelling at shipping rates?

    Him: Do you enjoy being angry?

    Me: Yes. Yes I do!

    Him: Carry on, then!

    1 year ago  /  0 notes

  6. This is giving Florence & the Machine’s cover of “Halo” a run for its moneyz.

    charlesgrey:

    Only Girl In The World (Rihanna Cover) by Ellie Goulding

    1 year ago  /  34 notes  /  Source: agarrth

  7. Sorry, Wrong Number

    Email from Missouri area code.

    Them: I was jus tryn this 2 see if it wks

    Me: It doesn’t work.

    Them: If it didnt wk i wouldnt b talkin 2 u haaaa. So u gonna b commin home soon cuz it looks like rain n im n bed bout 2 go 2 sleep.

    Me: Nope, I’m going out for a while. I have a taste for some WHISKEY! YEEEHAW!

    Them: Ok im goin 2 sleep. Get some cids n food. Lol see ya when u get home honey. Love ya Big Daddy!!!!

    Me: Okay, when I get home, make sure you have the caterpillar suit on!

    1 year ago  /  0 notes

  8. I was so close

    [15:53] <Spockers> damn you mitten.
    [15:54] <Spockers> I just had all my dice in my mouth and was trying to figure out how to grab my camera when it occured to me what I was doing.
    [15:54] <Assmitten> WOOOO
    [15:54] <Assmitten> I win
    [15:54] <Assmitten> NOw I have a little tear
    [15:54] <Spockers> Hmm, and now I’m missing my d4
    [15:55] <Spockers> I could fit way more, btw
    [15:55] <Spockers> I could probably fit the figurine in too, and also a super ball
    [15:55] <Assmitten> Ok, I would totally subscribe to your camwhore channel
    [15:55] <Assmitten> HOTT MOUTH CRAMMERS
    [15:56] <Assmitten> PVT CHAT AVAILABLE

    1 year ago  /  1 note

  9. Oh Six Year Olds You Make Me Lol

    Just discovered that my kid’s panther, who is black and named “Inky,” is actually “Encheie.”

    1 year ago  /  0 notes

  10. WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW

    smilelikeyouredeadinside:

    ed. note: I did not make this, found it on Something Awful. BUT THE QUESTION STILL STANDS

    1 year ago  /  34 notes  /  Source: smilelikeyouredeadinside