How to catch a kangaroo
AAHHH it is BOB down under
Him: Did you know your front door is open?
Me: Uhhh…are you the pool man, baby?
Me: Is this a porno?
Him: I have to use the bathroom.
Me: OH NO, THIS IS NOT THE PORNO I WANT.
Just a note to tell you that Uncle Fred and I are thinking of you and wishing you well at college—and to ask if this is the email address where I can send your birthday present.
Hi Aunt Ivy,
Thanks! All is well here at college so far. Hi to Uncle Fred.
Me: HEY FUCK YOU! Wait, why am I yelling at shipping rates?
Him: Do you enjoy being angry?
Me: Yes. Yes I do!
Him: Carry on, then!
This is giving Florence & the Machine’s cover of “Halo” a run for its moneyz.
Only Girl In The World (Rihanna Cover) by Ellie Goulding
Email from Missouri area code.
Them: I was jus tryn this 2 see if it wks
Me: It doesn’t work.
Them: If it didnt wk i wouldnt b talkin 2 u haaaa. So u gonna b commin home soon cuz it looks like rain n im n bed bout 2 go 2 sleep.
Me: Nope, I’m going out for a while. I have a taste for some WHISKEY! YEEEHAW!
Them: Ok im goin 2 sleep. Get some cids n food. Lol see ya when u get home honey. Love ya Big Daddy!!!!
Me: Okay, when I get home, make sure you have the caterpillar suit on!
[15:53] <Spockers> damn you mitten.
[15:54] <Spockers> I just had all my dice in my mouth and was trying to figure out how to grab my camera when it occured to me what I was doing.
[15:54] <Assmitten> WOOOO
[15:54] <Assmitten> I win
[15:54] <Assmitten> NOw I have a little tear
[15:54] <Spockers> Hmm, and now I’m missing my d4
[15:55] <Spockers> I could fit way more, btw
[15:55] <Spockers> I could probably fit the figurine in too, and also a super ball
[15:55] <Assmitten> Ok, I would totally subscribe to your camwhore channel
[15:55] <Assmitten> HOTT MOUTH CRAMMERS
[15:56] <Assmitten> PVT CHAT AVAILABLE
Just discovered that my kid’s panther, who is black and named “Inky,” is actually “Encheie.”
ed. note: I did not make this, found it on Something Awful. BUT THE QUESTION STILL STANDS